Sunday, August 12, 2007
dropping a stone.
1:41 PM
after reading several blogs, kinda getting a moody state. will be booking in tomorrow, so i guess i will make my final entry. may sounds sad to ppl, may sounds fake to ppl, but couldn't care much.
in this entry, im going to apologise to some ppl, my counterparts. i held on to it, but no further actions. makes ppl feel uncomfortable. shall list down their initials. so that i wont forget. xy, pq, xl, w, t, ws and j.
the very first one, xy. i know i shouldn't have asked that from you, it definitely does not makes you feel better, im so persistent at that point of time and i've totally ignored how you feel. though having you makes me feel comfortable, but forcing you will never do good for both us. perhaps you've already forgot about the things and have moved on, but i feel, i still let you down, abused the trust that you had for me. thus making what it is now today. i see you online, greet you, but no response from you. i've nothing to ask, but please hear me say this to you. sorry, i'm really sorry.
pq, though at the period of time, we were happy even without any names or status. still i feel, it is unfair to me. not that im greedy or what. the things that you do, is simply intolerable. plain crazy. if you think, you are happy, then i congrats you. thanks for letting me realise this logic, things that are meant to be left behind, leave it.
xl, sorry, i couldn't be like what you think. maybe i had too many commitments at that point of time. really sorry that i counldn't bring myself to overcome your circles of frens. thus making it really miserable for you i guess. from the day, u told me that, it really hurt me, and i guess i've inflict more hurtful things to you to allow you to say those words. i know you occasionally will come and read my blog. so i hope you will see this. Sorry. i'm serious. to let you know, i'm still holding on to your headphones.
w, i dunno what to say also. it's me again, who disappoint you. your life is bit too vibrant for me to follow. plus at that point of time, the place that you are working, im destined to lose you. to you, i may not be sensitive enough at times, i admit, i'm insensitive. i cant be like other guy, chauffer you to and fro. things that you do, were all behind me. how am i supposed to know. really, maybe im too insensitive. you always tell me to move on, im moving on, but occasionally just stop and look behind me. i guess you are happy with what you have now.
t, i've seen the ups and downs of your life, tried to be with you whenever i can, though not physically. i really wished to be. barriers are just excuses and i'm always hoping to find a way to bypass the barrier. you often says that i'm so futuristic and it's simply not the personalities of yours. i'll change, not to stop being futuristic, but not being futuristic in front of you. i admit i do long term planning thus making me futuristic. hoping and praying everyday, cursing my life on why we had such different back grounds. but nothing is working, unless i make it to work. till the day, you break those words to me, i really dont know how to react. perhaps you will be feeling more comfortable in that manner.
ws and j, i shall put you two together as the scenario is quite similar. i was trying to be nice and hoping to take care of you. but you just shun me off. to me, it is okay. i'll just leave you as what you always wanted. never cross your path ever again. perhaps, in streets, we met, i doubt you will reach out and call me. sorry. sorry for being such a lousy person. hope you'll find a really nice person that is different from me.
it is such a long entry, dont know how to end it also. making people happy is always what i wanted to do, cos i know that, making others happy, i will feel happy to. but no matter how hard i try, i often bring sadness to people. but anyone realised, one must be sad enough to understand this, no one can tell when i'm sad, guessed i'm good in concealing.
心事谁人知..
p/s: my heart is as empty as my stomach now. a little time for confession, i miss singing with yx and jh. the reason why i love singing so much: singing can explicitly express my feelings.
=(.
